Next Contestant
by Neko-Yuff16
Summary: SemiAU Fran is a waitress working at the Seasand Tavern, and Balthier, her boyfriend, expresses to every male and female in the tavern why he wishes Fran would just find another job. Songfic to Nickelback's Next Contestant. Enjoy! OneShot!


YES! I AM in fact ALIVE!! I've just had so much to do, and then I was feeling lazy...but do not fret!! My other stories have not been forgotten!! (just not touched, is all ;) 

In the meantime!! Enjoy this little one-shot about Balthier and Fran from Final Fantasy 12 XD!!

Summary: Semi-AU; Fran is a waitress working at the Seasand Tavern, and Balthier, her boyfriend, expresses to every male (and female) in the tavern why he wishes Fran would just find another job. Song-fic to Nickelback's "Next Contestant". Enjoy!

"I judge by what she's wearing,  
Just how many heads I'm tearing,  
Off of assholes coming on to her,  
(Each night seems like it's getting worse),"

Balthier yawned, placing his hand over his mouth to cover it. He brought his bottle of beer to his lips, taking a swig before locating his lovely Vieran lady. A pair of tall, white ears were seen moving amongst some people on the second level, and he grinned. A noise to his right caught his attention.

" Hey, Balthier! Umm...can I ask you-"

" No."

" Huh?! But you didn't even hear me out yet!"

He sighed.

" Vaan, my boy, I don't really need to hear you out to know I'm not going to like what you're going to ask me."

" But-"

" What did I just say? Really..."

He located the pair of ears once more, and grinned, but that fell when he saw her coming down the stairs, a man following her, obviously trying to get her attention.

"And I wish she'd take the night off,  
So I don't have to fight off,  
Every asshole coming on to her,  
(It happens every night she works,)"

Balthier excused himself from the table to walk up to her.

" Is there something wrong, my dear?" he asked, his eyes looking from her to the man behind her.

" Yeah! She won't even go out with me for one night! She's a-"

Balthier glared at the man.

" You would be wise to not finish that sentence. And for your information, she's not going to go out with you because she's with me. And haven't I seen your face before?"

Fran sighed.

" He's a frequent customer. Now, go sit back down, Balthier. You've made your point."

He watched the man walk back to his table, shoulders drooping. He soon heard a burst of laughter that was the man's friends laughing due to him getting turned down again.

Balthier placed an arm around her shoulders, walking with her back to the bar.

" My darling, I really think that you should-"

" If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, dear. I'm not quitting."

He pouted before going back to his table.

"They'll go and ask the DJ,  
Find out just what would she say,  
If they all tried coming on to her,  
(Don't they know it's never going to work),  
They think they'll get inside her,  
With every drink they buy her,  
As they all try coming on to her,  
(This time somebody's getting hurt).

Here comes the next contestant."

Another night.

Vaan came to sit next to him once more.

" Balthier. Please, just hear me out! I wanna get something for Penelo. And I need a ride to Bhujerba to get it."

" No."

Vaan gave a sad sigh before standing and exiting the bar after checking the bulletin board.

He saw a group of men standing near the bar, talking to the bartender on duty. The poor Seeq never saw the crowd comin'.

Balthier caught bits and snippets of their conversation.

" Do you know what type of man she likes?"

" Do you know if she likes roses or daisies?"

" Boxers or briefs?"

He stood from his chair, making his way to the group.

" She likes men who can stand up for themselves, and won't crowd her. Although, I know for a fact she thinks it's cute and honorable if her man stands up for her in her place. She likes a man with wit and a sense of humor. A man who is intelligent but doesn't flaunt it. A man who knows how to relax, and knows how to keep her relaxed. She prefers white lilies, which symbolize purity and cleanliness. Oh, and boxers."

The men stood, mouths agape.

Balthier felt a pinch on his rear.

" You're scaring my customers away again, dear."

He clasped her hand, bringing it to his lips.

" I do it all for you, my darling Fran."

She rolled her eyes.

" Yeah, yeah."

"Is that your hand on my girlfriend?  
Is that your hand? I wish you'd do it again,  
(I'll watch you leave here limping),  
I wish you'd do it again,  
(I'll watch you leave here limping),

There goes the next contestant."

Another night.

He sighed, bringing a bottle of beer to his lips.

Vaan came to him once more.

" Alright. That's it, Balthier. You've made me play dirty."

Balthier raised an eyebrow.

" Oh? And how is that?"

Vaan gave an almost evil chuckle.

" You'll see."

Balthier rolled his eyes before searching for Fran again. It was odd how he could lose her, even with her being the only Vieran there. Oh wait! There she was...

Backed into a corner...

With four men hounding her...

" Oh Hell no..."

He shot up from his seat, running, and taking the steps two at a time. Once he reached the little group of assailants (he just thought it sounded better than admirers...), he began pulling them back by whatever he reached for first, be it arm or neck, or just shirt. Once an opening was made, he shot through, standing in front of Fran.

She sighed.

" You know I could've taken them on, right? As sweet as I think it is, I can take care of myself."

He grinned.

" But my dear, I'm to be you're knight in shining armor, no? Now, all you greasy weasels out there! Hear this now! If I see or hear of any of you touching her or harassing her again, I'll deal with you personally."

He watched as all of them sighed, their shoulders dropping, and their glances falling to the floor.

"I even fear the ladies,  
They're cool but twice as crazy,  
Just as bad for coming on to her,  
(Don't they know it's never going to work),"

Another night.

Sometimes, he felt as though some weeks were neverending. He couldn't wait for Saturday, her day off. He could keep her all to himself. No assailants. No hounders. No weird women trying to feel her up...

Wait!

His eyes shot open as he watched a beautiful young woman "innocently" place the tip of one of her fingers in her mouth. She looked up to Fran, who was just shaking her head.

He had to know what was being said, so he made his way over to her.

"-if you would like to come with me and a few other friends after work. We can...(giggle) relax you." The girl, obviously, had more sinful things in mind than innocent relaxing.

Fran gave a tiring sigh.

" I'm sorry but-"

" She'll be with me."

The young woman turned to the new, and deeply accented voice.

" Well, you're more than welcome to come with. If you'd like, that is."

His eyes widened. He coughed before looking at her, then to Fran, who seemed to have had the same reaction as him, though he felt it were for different reasons. For some reason, though, his mouth ran off with him.

" Really? You mean it?!"

And then, to alleviate the pain in his jaw, and his pride, he told himself that Fran's right hook was having the same trouble as his mouth.

"Each time she bats an eyelash,  
Somebody's grabbing her ass,  
Everyone keeps coming on to her,  
(This time somebody's getting hurt).

Here comes the next contestant."

Another night. Geez. How long away was Saturday, again? Oh yeah. Two days. He let out a sigh of relief. Only two more days. Then it would be just "them" time. He'd run a hot bubble bath, maybe light a few candles, hunt that body oil they'd been dying to try on each other. He smiled wistfully. ' Oh, man...'

He watched her walk to the bar, making eye contact with her. She winked at him. He smiled. That was definitely a promise.

Although, the guy two seats in front of him thought it was a promise made to him, not Balthier, nor any other man.

He watched as the man silently walked behind Fran, reaching out with his hand. He grabbed. Balthier jumped to his feet, ready to make the final attack before he heard an echoing knock that made the oddest sound: Cracking bone.

He watched the man fall to the ground, and looked up to see a flustered Fran, trying to calm her breath. He walked up to her, grabbing the hand she had hit the punk with.

" My darling, if I told you that you're beautiful when you're angry, would that give me points?" He kissed her knuckles.

"Is that your hand on my girlfriend?  
Is that your hand? I wish you'd do it again,  
(I'll watch you leave here limping),  
I wish you'd do it again,  
(I'll watch you leave here limping),

There goes the next contestant.

"I'm hating what she's wearing,  
Everybody here keeps staring,  
Can't wait 'til they get what they deserve,  
(This time somebody's getting hurt).

Here comes the next contestant."

Another night.

He glared at Fran. Okay. Not really AT Fran. More at her clothing. The tavern owner had issued new uniforms for the staff. Balthier would have been okay if she'd only had to wear that behind their own closed doors, because damn if it didn't make her look like a bunny-eared Goddess! Short black shorts, green and orange bikini top, and the type of boots that made her tanned legs look infinite. By Gods if the woman wasn't hot enough, now he had to watch as every other male in the tavern noticed her as well. He was so tempted to just run over to her with a cloak and wrap it around her until she resembled pale brown pile of rags.

Then his fantasy kicked in.

He'd sweep her off her feet, and take her to their apartment, where he'd blindfold her and tie her to the...

Ahem.

He'd have to wait until tomorrow to try any of that because...

TONIGHT WAS FRIDAY NIGHT!!!

He really couldn't have been happier. They'd be away from all these peeping toms (and tomettes), and the leering old men who hadn't seen so much gorgeous skin in decades.

He watched in amusement as a Seeq tried to converse with his beloved.

"I wish you'd do it again,  
(Each night seems like it's getting worse),  
I wish you'd do it again,  
(This time somebody's getting hurt).

There goes the next contestant."

The Seeq started to go a bit too far, though, when his hand reached out and brushed her breast. She dropped the tray she was holding, it's contents spilling onto the floor and her legs. She slipped in the liquids, trying to back away from the obese creature, falling to her rear.

Balthier made his appearance. He kneeled down beside her to check her for injuries.

" My darling, are you alright? Would you like for me to clock you out?"

She shook her head, but in her eyes, he could see small tears. She was embarassed. He felt rage build up inside him. No one hurt his Fran and got away with it. He stood quickly. Glaring coldly at the Seeq who was laughing with his buddies about the waitress who fell " in awe by his attractiveness." Pshaw. Yeah right.

" Hey you. Apologize to her immediately."

The Seeq looked to Balthier as though confused.

" What? You don't understand? Well, let me say it a bit clearer for you, hamshanks! Apologize. To. Her. NOW!"

The Seeq's buddies backed off, walking away slowly. The Seeq refused.

Within moments, passersby of the tavern could see a Seeq being pushed out of the tavern, being followed by a man. The man was certainly not happy. The Seeq drew a spear, while Balthier drew his trusty Altair.

" Really, now. Who do you think is going to win this fight? Your close range spear, or my skull-piercing bullets?"

The Seeq glared.

" You're just angry that she didn't go running to you! You were scared of competition!"

Balthier gave the Seeq an incredulous look.

" Competition, eh? I think I'm safe."

Just then he heard clanking of armor, so he put his gun away, walking back into the tavern. He saw Fran waiting for him just past the entrance. Calmly, he made his way to her, slowly wrapping his arms around her figure.

" My darling. The guards are taking him away for disturbing the peace. We won't see him for a while, atleast."

She gave a small smile, clutching the front of his shirt. He placed a small kiss on the tip of her nose.

" Do you wanna go home, now, darling?" he asked, holding her tighter.

She nodded.

* * *

Saturday afternoon 

They had gotten back from doing the weekly grocery shopping, and were putting things away when he remembered something.

In a rush, he left the kitchen, making his way to their room. She followed him, walking only to stop at the door, and laugh.

His rear was sticking in the air as he dug for something under their bed only to come out holding a couple of bottles she almost immediately recognized. She giggled.

He gave a grin.

" Y'know ya wanna..."

* * *

Monday morning 

Seeing as Fran works nights, and he stays with her then, it would only seem right that since he worked during the day, she stay with him. (She kept the onlooking girls away with mean glares).

When they arrived at his airhsip so he could get some tools to start dismembering a machine, he stopped at the sight of a cute little moogle, sitting atop his stairs. As he came closer, he realized it had a sad, teary-eyed look. A figure came from behind it, picking it up, and carrying it down the stairs, only to hold it in Balthier's face.

Gods, those sad, teary eyes were so cute.

" Heh heh heh. Told you you made me play dirty."

" Damnit! Fine! I'll take you! Just put the moogle away!"

* * *

End 

This was fun writing... XD Balthier is sooooo hot...so is Fran...in a half-bunny/half-human sorta way...

Anyway!

Tell Sessha what you think! (Sessha meaning " This one")

Neko-Yuff16


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